Vulnerability.

Mar 31

4 min read

Why does it hurt sometimes? To be alone in our thoughts and feelings. To remember old memories, once happy ones, and have them sometimes come out as tears trickling down our cheeks. In these moments, time feels like it stands still, and for a split second, the world around us doesn’t seem to matter anymore. Maybe you’re missing someone or something. Maybe you’re missing out on something or reminiscing about what something used to be. Maybe you are searching for the authentic you or are missing the old you- you’ve lost yourself in the mess of growing up and doing life. Who knows what it is; you can [insert problem here].

I swore to myself I would never fall apart, I would only continue to get stronger. I thought I was always stronger than this. At these moments, they creep up and catch me off guard- like a thief in the night. So here I am, sitting in these quiet moments, unable to sit still, unable to be okay with myself, uncomfortable with my vulnerability, with the pure form of me, with my thoughts, reflecting on myself. All my being. Who I am today, who I’ve been in the past, what choices I’ve made, and what my guilt and shame leave me thinking I am left to be. The people I've loved, the heartache I've felt, the friends I’ve lost, and everything in between. As a psychologist, I am considered an expert on feelings, interpersonal relationships, self-care, etc.. Still, it seems like the most challenging thing for many, regardless of whether they are in the industry or not, is dealing with our own feelings. I can help hundreds of other people with their issues, give them advice, educate them, talk through the difficult moments, the could ofs, should ofs, the pick yourselves back up talks, and yet, I am still human and struggle with following my own advice. I am not the only one with these difficult moments, but I know that people often don’t want to discuss them. So here I am, trying to break the mold, saying it’s okay because I, too, want to hear that it’s OK. So here it goes...

It’s okay to be sad sometimes. It’s okay to cry sometimes. Sometimes, it’s okay not to have the answers or question our path. What’s not okay is to get stuck in it and not continue to push forward. It’s also okay to sit in the muck of it. Sometimes, it’s hard to be vulnerable. Sometimes it’s hard to be true. Hell, if we are being honest, sometimes we lose ourselves in everyone and everything else, and we may not even know who our true selves are anymore. What I do know is it can be tiring to hold on to the pain. It's so tiring to fake a smile and pretend it’s okay every day, only to suffer silently. To say “I’m fine” every day, only to hope someone knows you well enough to look at you and say, "I know you are not fine." It can be so so exhausting. So why do we keep up the facade? After much thought, I have recognized that it’s Fear. The fear of having to admit [insert feeling]. Possibly, that we don’t have it together. That we are falling apart. That we need help. Let’s take it a step further… fear that we feel unworthy, unvalued, unloved, not enough, or like a failure. And who are we afraid of admitting this to? The world? Our family? Or ourselves? Maybe all the above? The first step is the latter- we have to admit it to ourselves before we can even think of admitting it to anyone else. For me, the first thought I always have is BUT. But I am supposed to be strong. I am supposed to be the one that keeps it all together, that keeps the family going. I have so many people counting on me. I’m not supposed to show weakness or pain. I’m supposed to succeed in every area of my life. Supposed.

My dear, we are also not supposed to live in fear. We are supposed to spend our lives living and not just existing.

Despite the moments of doubt, pain, confusion, and even fear, remember this: we are all on a journey of healing, growth, and self-discovery. Even in our darkest hours, we are not defined by our struggles but by our strength in facing them. Every tear, every moment of uncertainty, is a step toward the person we are becoming. And though it may feel like we’re lost in the process, we constantly evolve, always moving forward—even when we don’t realize it. Figure out what is hurting you. Find your way to process it. It may be simple, it may be complex, and it takes time. Whatever that looks like, do what you need to do for you. You wont heal, unless it's for you. Trust that the pieces will fall into place, that we can heal, and that joy, peace, and clarity are waiting for us on the other side. So, keep going. You are not alone. You are enough. Trust the process. The light will find you again. You are stronger than you know.